What else is my body gonna do to me? — I see them. Sitting on the deck, my eyes wander from the piece I’m editing to the dog leaving pathways of lick-spit on my forearms. The sun reflects off the saliva and it really is quite pretty. Just then, a vehicle on the roadway honks repeatedly and the dog almost…

A purring ball owns you? Keeps feet warm, nips nose, nestles on lap? Cute! Fun!

The only advice needed when raising adolescents — There are thousands of wise pieces of advice on how to forge your acne-ridden adolescent into a wonderfully polite and prudent adult. This is not one of them. After waving goodbye to my sister and her wife at the airport I suggested to my almost-16-year-old that since we were near…

July 19, 2023 — Interns, Welcome one. Welcome all. Welcome to everyone brave enough to pick up a rectal thermometer and read this harbinger of news. Thank you. Rectal? So should I take this out of my mouth? (Laco) Due to an overwhelming — aka good enough — response to the idea of our…

Please, please, PLEASE, quit using mayo as anal bead lube — “When you get old enough to pay your own cellphone bill you can be anything you want!” My Dad used to say. He couldn’t wait for me to buy my own bibs and diapers. He was sick of endlessly opening his wallet for Gerber products. “Anything I want?” I would…

It’s what I’ve been doing, Adam Robinson, so ‘Eat Me’ — Weaponized incompetency. I learned this phrase from a coworker last week. Here’s how it played out. Enter grade 7/8 teacher’s room to see her head spinning in about 16 directions. This Exorcist reaction is normal. …

Just fess up, Smillew Rahcuef, and we can make it official — Smillew Rahcuef recently and publicly admitted his brain-jiggling devotion to me. Yes, ME. Sorry Kristine Laco, Adam Robinson, Philip Ogley, and Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier). He’s hoping for reciprocation and “a private note”. This is as private as it gets, Loverboy. I Fell in Love With a Writer (Again) Wish me luck!!medium.com Dearest Stalker,

You’re very, very welcome — It’s that time of year again. Sweat’s pooling under the armpits you now have to shave again. Mosquitoes are using your shins as a buffet. Red necks -and rednecks – are observed everywhere. And school is almost done. Once again, parents — Tag, You’re It. Parents wail. Teachers rejoice. The…

All I wanted to do was help him woo his OnlyFarmer.com fling — This is a response to Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.’s June Prompt. Dust Off Your Dice — It’s Random Fiction Time In every heart lies an artichoke of discontent. In every spleen, the chia seeds of redemption. — Steven King, or…medium.com He told us to roll some dice and write a story. Here’s the result: #5 Baby Loan Shark — doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo… #2 … meets Mr./Mrs. Wrong on FarmersOnly.com…