Comments taken out of context — I have two favourite hockey teams. They are both in the second round of hockey playoffs. Stuffing my butt into a Lazyboy and shouting loud enough to crack arena ice, my kids stuck their heads from bedrooms, yelling, “Can you hear yourself, mom? Like, really? You’re CRINGE!” I haven’t memorized…

Christopher Robin asks and I deliver — Does you Autocorrect do as many weirdarse things as mine does? Each and every time I attempt to type “running buddy” my phone changes it to “rubbing buddy”. Which can be rather embarrassing. Like when a text to your pastor reads, “Yes, you’re right, it can be hard to get…

We all have our preferences — “I’m a leg man,” boasts my neighbor running his calloused paws along the sleek lines of his wife’s calves. This silences their sloppy-mouthed moos. “Not me,” says his brother-in-law, Chevy, visiting from Idaho. He’s celebrating his release from prison with some maple syrup-coated poutine. “I’m more of an ass man!” …

March 29, 2023 — Hello Gorgeous Interns! Yes, it’s my turn for a kick at the newsletter can. Yes, I’m buttering you up. And YES, it’s true. You’re gorgeous. Outside and in. And believe me, we Docs have seen your innards as we sliced, diced, and plundered them while you were prostrate on the…

They seem to have disappeared — “One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.” Confucius The Doctor Funny publication has three editors. Two are cis-women. Most of us know-it-alls realize that women make up 50% of the population. Although my highly arduous online research has determined that in Oman the men-to-women ratio is 3:1. …

And this is what I’m writing — THEY ordered me to write. “Write. Something. Anything. Or we shoot,” THEY declared in Gangsta voices, with one gun to my temple and the other aimed straight at my ovaries. Which are useless and dried up but still fun to have. I can’t say who THEY are. I’m terrified. I…

A response to Laurel B. Miller’s prompt — Before I was a Brownie or a Girl Guide I wore a Pepto Bismol mumu and called myself a Spark. Then this wise ole woman named Brown Owl — who liberally sprinkled her fist-sized cupcakes with Zoloft — sat me on a toadstool and officially declared me an Ember.* *This…

I take so much for granted — This morning I totaled my car. Yes, the one that I bought with only my womanly signature. The very same 7-month-old VW that I drove most of the way across Canada. It survived a logging road with ruts big enough to swallow an RV. It befriended ferry terminal staff and…

Oxymorons in the world of free photos — We’re all oxymorons. Okay, we’re all morons — with oxymoronic tendencies. So I’m not surprised that Unsplash is as human as the rest of us. Here are some of the mismatches I found on Unsplash. Maybe you’ve found even better ones? Funeral Remember hearing classmates singing, “Buck and Bambi-Joe sitting in…