Sloppy Seconds Or Someone’s Everything
They’re both somewhat ridiculous
Sloppy seconds, anyone?
Being an affair partner has its advantages. But not if you’ve realized that you actually kinda dislike the whole idea of being sloppy seconds. At least emotionally.
“Of course, I’d leave you right here and go home if my wife called and needed me,” responded my lover when asked. Not surprisingly. He should yank up his boxers and speed all the way home to the aid of the person who pats his back while he vomits.
To make a short story long
When I began my search for an affair partner I wanted someone who was single. My grand dreams included someone who could not only cuddle and canoodle but would converse past our bedtime about matters as mundane as carpet cleaners. You know — reality with loads of tongue on labia action.
Naive moi sent a lot of “hearts” until I discovered that no dude on traditional dating sites seemed to want me. Understandably. The complications that go with a woman married to a person with Alzheimer’s are probably too much for a single gaffer looking for love.
My nether regions hadn’t given up their hope of gushing Niagara Falls style on a regular basis so my goal evolved. Enter Ashley Madison and married men.
“It’s perfect really. They have a life and so do I,” my words assured friends — but failed to sink into my own gray matter. I could repeat it in front of the mirror until I collapsed into a heap from exhaustion. It still didn’t make me believe it.
“Read this,” I told them. My argument: I was a sex fairy flying in to assist men whose wives have decided it’s more amusing to caress the dog than any of their husband’s appendages.
“Isn’t choosing an attached person the best way to get my cake by the ocean and fill me up with it too?” I asked, picturing myself post-coitus happily hip hopping home to my burdens. “I mean, this way I can avoid all those fellas who are just looking for a wifeypoo. ’Cause they’d probably order me to shove my drooling spouse into a dumpster.”
“Um, okay, but, wait,” my pals responded. They pointed to my piece about the disadvantages of being the other woman. “We think…
