Kindness: Is It Always So Easy?
Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Affection, gentleness, warmth, concern, and care are words that are associated with kindness. Karyn Hall
Kindness seems like such an accepted and expected, obviously necessary and beneficial, act that all people should, and often, do. But is it? Is it really?
At this point, I’ll take off my early morning negativity cap and launch it across the room, watch it deflate in on itself in the corner amongst the dust crocodiles, and take a sip of my coffee. I’ll grab for the happy and naive cap, its rainbow sequins reflecting the sunrise and, though nearly blinding me in the process, instilling some bubbly joy in my chest.
The world is filled with good people who continually practice kindness. THAT is a truth.
Have you ever had your drive thru coffee paid for by the stranger in the vehicle in front of you? (You know, the person you had just been cursing because they swerved in front of you, stealing your spot in line, without even signaling?) Ever had someone flag you down after you dropped your wallet/keys/baby’s shoe? Ever had someone compliment you on your outfit/hair/ brand spankin’ new earrings gifted that morning by your spouse who actually remembered your anniversary and wanted to go big with diamonds so you might forget the last ten lapsed years they had forgotten?
We have no idea the extent our act of kindness, no matter how teeny, could be. We don’t know how that simple act could change a person’s morning…day…week…outlook…life.
Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, and no matter how a person may seem, a smile or asking how they are could go a long way. Paige Elizabeth Sigle
But kindness goes much deeper than surface compliments or helpful shouts. And even deeper than cutting your 86 year old neighbour’s lawn after their attempt at waterskiing ended in surgery and countless titanium screws and plates now joining their body and their life stories.
Sometimes kindness is difficult. Sometimes it is very, very difficult.
Having to face a person (and be kind to them) at work/school/church when their nasty rumours about you enter the room before you, hover around you like a noxious post-Big Mac fart, is hard. Helping an in-law by kindly getting their groceries — when that in-law has called you a “stupid little craphead who stole my son” for the last few decades — can challenge even the most saintly of folks. It sounds silly but even sacrificing the time you wanted to snuggle with a juicy novel to take care of a friend’s three kids under 5 so she can get a PAP smear, can be difficult.
Being kind isn’t always easy or simple.
Jonathan Fisher explains that there are obstacles to being kind. He lists: Distraction, Frustration, Rumination, Anticipation, Exhaustion, Fear and Judgment. I would argue that fear and judgment may our biggest hurdles in overcoming our sprinkling of kindness like glitter in a kindergarten room (ask any custodian about that…). Fear of doing or saying the right thing? Judgment of ourselves and others? (Do I really need to be kind to the parent of the student who informed me in a voice loud enough for Santa to hear in the North Pole that I wasn’t doing enough for her precious, little child? If I’m kind/polite to the crossing guard who just asked why I looked like a pile of hornet diarrhea does that make me as spineless, brainless, and weak as the non-poisonous sea wasp jellyfish?)
Overcoming those obstacles can be difficult. Very, very difficult.
But, because I’m sporting the obnoxiously gorgeous rainbow cap, I know it can be done. I know that kindness reigns…and that we see it everywhere all of the time.
Yay, Kindness! (Shake those pompoms…)
Now, I better go and kindly stop ignoring my husband and chat with him before he leaves for work…
Side note: I am not saying that kindness has to supercede boundaries. Don’t get me wrong: It does NOT have to be completed, or encouraged, in situations that are physically, mentally, emotionally dangerous. Saying “hi” to your abuser because it is the polite thing to do does NOT mean you have to do it or an unkind person if you do not.
